As you go through the changes and struggles of childhood and adolescence, it’s normal for you to doubt yourself at times, to worry that you aren’t good enough. Then when kids make fun of you it seems like they’re giving you a terrible answer to your worst fear: No, you’re not good enough.

Don’t believe them!

Whatever you do, don’t silently join the bullies in putting yourself down. If you are ridiculed often, or if you doubt yourself to start with, it’s easy for you to agree that you are stupid, ugly, or whatever garbage the bullies feed you. Even if they call you Fatso and it’s true that you are overweight, you start to agree with their real message—that you are worthless. In your head you repeat their jeers when they aren’t even around. Then you go farther by telling yourself that you’re not worth liking or loving and that no one will ever care about you.

This type of thinking is dangerous. It will make you feel more insecure, which will make you act more insecure, which will make kids pick on you more. It could lead you to such despair that you might conclude life is not worth living. Or it could become a bad habit that you carry into adulthood, making yourself miserable long after the bullies are gone.

You must make every effort to stop yourself from thinking self-destructive thoughts that feed depression. Here’s one strategy that worked for me. Whenever you start putting yourself down, take a moment to divide yourself into two people: #1, the bully and #2, the person who is being hurt by the bully. Then, as person #2, tell off person #1. If you don’t have enough sympathy for the part of you who is person #2, think of someone you care about. Someone vulnerable like a little sister or brother. Someone you know would be hurt if another kid made fun of her or him. How would you feel if a bully were telling this person the hurtful things that you’re telling yourself? Wouldn’t you want to protect the person? Think of your inner self as that sensitive person you care about, and tell the destructive voice in your head to shut up.

Instead of knocking yourself down, try to comfort yourself. I don’t mean to feel sorry for yourself; that doesn’t get you anywhere. But there’s nothing wrong in feeling sympathy for yourself. It also helps to remember that God loves you. He created you. You are His child, and just like an artist who loves his artwork, He does not take kindly to those who criticize you. Neither do your parents, your siblings, or your real friends.

You may or may not believe in God. You may or may not feel that anyone loves you. You may or may not love yourself. But one thing is certain: you were born for a purpose, and that purpose is not to be jeered at by your peers! You are worth more, much more, than that. Please allow yourself to believe in your worth. Let yourself feel good about your strengths instead of focusing on your weaknesses. If you don’t think you have any strengths, you are wrong. (For one thing, you have modesty!) Everyone has strengths; it’s just a matter of figuring out what they are.

There are many ways you can nurture yourself and many resources out there to help you do it. If you are inspired by religion, the Bible can give you hope, and youth church groups can link you to quality supportive people. If it makes you feel better to talk about your problems, sympathetic ears can be found. (Keep in mind, though, that you will need to take a turn listening to the other person’s problems, too, unless the listener you choose is a paid counselor or your pet dog.) If you prefer to comfort yourself in solitude, creative outlets such as drawing, singing, and writing can nourish your spirit. Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself, but choose activities that stimulate personal growth, not stunt it. What I mean by that is you shouldn’t be taking any drugs unless they are prescribed to you by your doctor.

If you’re at the point where no activities have appealed to you for a long time, nothing brings you joy, all you want to do is sleep, or you’re always too agitated to sleep, you are probably infected with depression. In that case, you could use the more heavy-duty help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. There is no shame in this; there is shame in letting an infection beat you when you could have taken steps to heal it.

No matter what resources you use to help yourself, the most important resource is your own spirit. You have the power to choose between hope and hopelessness. Focus on thoughts that are both realistic and positive. Accept that not everyone will like you and sometimes there will be nothing you can do about it. Accept that some people may dislike you for no apparent reason, even when they don’t know you at all.

DO NOT accept that this means you are less of a person.